So Hard Being Someone Else

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Everyone thinks about what it would be like to be someone else. This is especially true if you aren't happy with who you are or satisfied with your life at the moment. We're used to putting on different faces and behaving a specific way to suit the situation–such as work, a football game, a night out with friends or a family activity.^[1] To temporarily give us a glimpse into another life and get a break from our own, we watch movies or TV, play games and read. For most people, an occasional escape from who we are is enough. However, you might actually want to become someone else. Here's a guide for how to do that.

1. 1

   Analyze why you want to be somebody else. Ask yourself what the reasons are behind your desire to change. Write down the reasons you come up with. This way you can discover the root of your problem. Once you know where the wish to be someone else is coming from, you can solve the problem's source.

   • Don't base your need to become someone else off of a few isolated events. Challenges and undesirable circumstances happen to all of us every now and then. We all make mistakes and try to learn from them regularly as well.
   • If there is a clear and repeating pattern to your experiences or relationships that provides clues to where you could improve, then use that information to your advantage. Explore where relationships broke down or what you have been criticized for.

2. 2

   Ask yourself what you want to change. ^[2] You have looked at what is happening around you that makes you want to be someone else; you need to consider your personal feelings as well. If certain things are bothering you, find out what they are and how you can make them better.

   • If you're not happy with yourself, figure out why. Are you overweight? Have a nervous disposition? Disorganized?
   • If you are merely bored with the way things are and want a change, reflect on what exactly you are not satisfied with. Is it your relationship? Your job? Your house or car? The weather? Focus on the area that you want to change.

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3. 3

   Focus on ways to improve. You know what needs to change so you can be who you want to be. Now you need to brainstorm ways to fix or make the problem better.

   • If you need to lose weight to feel healthy and happy then concentrate on that. Start going to the gym, lower your fat and carbohydrate intake and get engaged in a social group for support.
   • If you suffer from anxiety, then seek help from a professional, practice meditation and take opportunities to practice being assertive.
   • If you are tired of people calling you boring, do something adventurous like sky diving, mountain climbing, sailing or learning to fly a plane.
   • If you're unhappy with your romantic partner, do something new together, find ways to connect and appreciate each other, go to counseling or consider moving on.
   • If you're sick of your job, get a new one or go back to school to learn new skills so you can get the job of your dreams and earn the house and car that you want. Move away if you are unhappy with where you're at because it rains too much or gets too cold.

4. 4

   Find out whom you want emulate. ^[3] You have a pretty good idea what you don't want to be. Now it's time to think about the kind of life you want and the kind of person you want to be. Reflect on the behavior, beliefs and values of those you admire to learn how to be successful in all areas of your life.

   • You probably admire someone—a character from a movie or book, a celebrity, sports figure, family member, or a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Do you want to be like your favorite TV character? Or like your girlfriend or boyfriend? Once you narrow down whom it is you want to be like, you can begin to develop character traits for self-improvement based off of their example. Spend more time with them if you are able to, in order to get a true feel of what they are like.
   • Select good personal qualities that will make your life better, not worse. Ending up in jail or driving away the people in your life that matter will not help you feel better. If you do change yourself, make sure you develop personality traits that increase your chances of being well-liked. You might want to be more interesting, sympathetic, or charming, for instance.

5. 5

   Make sure the traits you want to develop are sustainable. ^[4] You need to be able to keep up these good qualities long-term until they become a part of who you are. Lying to people about what you can do or who you are is not the best way to go. People won't trust you when they eventually see the truth, so it's best to tell them now. You'll also feel more comfortable with yourself and around others if you remain true to yourself.

   • Don't act like a wealthy person when you only have a few dollars in your pocket and can't afford dinner for two, let alone that vacation to Hawaii.
   • Don't pretend to know about cars to get a date and happen to end up on the side of the road with a blown out tire you don't know how to change.
   • Likewise, learn to play an instrument or cook before attempting to impress someone with your know-how.

6. 6

   Research everything about the character you admire. It takes knowledge, dedication and practice to become someone other than who you are right now. It is easier if you have an example to work toward. You'll need to do some serious investigation to uncover clues that will teach you how to be similar.

   • Read autobiographies, biographies, stories, and articles about or by the person you admire. Also, check out fan and personal websites.
   • Observe them on video and pay attention to the qualities that you want to take on, such as appearance and style, how they interact and communicate, how they behave under pressure and how they appear to others. Are they confident, respectful, friendly, positive, compassionate, or powerful?
   • Try to meet the person who inspires you. If you can chat with the person you want to be at an event, conference, or other location, even better. Try to get to know who they really are, how they got where they are, and whether they might have any advice.

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1. 1

   Set goals . You need to know what you want and how to get there. You want to make changes to become someone different than yourself at the moment.

   • To come up with a goal, first you need to figure out where exactly you are trying to get to and what the end result needs to be. For example, you want to be more self-confident like your favorite female sports player. You want to be able to be great at tennis, basketball, football or compete in the Olympics.^[5]
   • A goal is not just what you want but something you are willing to work toward. You need to ask yourself if you can work toward the end goal. Are you willing to work out, building muscle, practicing every day? This will tell you how badly you want something.^[6]
   • Don't set yourself up for failure. Even though there are many tools that can help, such as motivating books and support groups, you're the only one who can change you. There's no magic pill–it will take work and dedication.

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   Start with the easiest changes. ^[7] It is a big transformation to become someone else. You will want to focus first on the traits and behavior that you can modify with the least work so that you don't get overwhelmed. As you get used to adopting new characteristics, you can move on to the more difficult changes that will take the most time and energy to master.

   • Changing your appearance is usually a lot easier than altering years of learned habits. It can also go a long way toward making you feel different enough to motivate you to change other factors.
   • Changes that come more naturally will be easier. For example, if you have always been polite, then going out of your way to be extra polite will not take that much more effort. If you like to smile and laugh, then remembering to smile as much as possible throughout the day will probably be fairly easy.
   • Embrace the challenge. Some things can be very difficult to overcome. For example, if you're usually a timid person who keeps to themselves, then waving and saying "Hi" to strangers may be uncomfortable at first.
   • Know that with every challenge you accept and complete successfully, you will be closer to becoming the person you want to be.

3. 3

   Change your style. How we present ourselves to the outside world dictates not only first impressions but often how we are perceived and treated.^[8] If you want to stand out, then wear clothing, colors, or haircuts that make you look different than other people.

   • If you want to be perceived a certain way, such as wealthy or a professional, dress and look the part. If you want to be seen as laid back and down-to-earth, you may want to dress down.
   • If you normally wear glasses, have long, brown hair and don't wear makeup, think about how you might update your appearance. Cut your hair into a funky, short style and dye it a bold color like red, purple, blonde, or deep black. Get contacts or pick up chic-styled frames.
   • Pick up some guides on creative ways to do your makeup and practice different looks.
   • Buy new clothes. Think about what the new character you have decided to become would want to wear. Choose flattering options and wear what feels good to you. You probably want your appearance to go along with the positive new attributes you are working on.

4. 4

   Pay attention to how you present yourself. ^[9] We get impressions about people from more than their clothes or hair style. We see how they move, their gestures, and facial expressions, and form opinions about them based on those.

   • Watch how you move. The way a person moves can have a huge impact on how others perceive them. Move with confidence and poise.
   • Put on the outfit and shoes you will be wearing in public. Practice walking in high heels if they are part of your new look. Watch yourself in a mirror to see how you swing your arms and sway your hips.
   • Watch your expressions in the mirror. Practice smiling, laughing, and appearing engaged. See if you can hold a conversation with your new self.
   • You may also want to record yourself and watch it on video to see where you might improve your communication skills and body language. If you habitually twirl your hair, for example, consider whether this is a desirable trait for your new character. If not, make a deliberate attempt not to carry on this habit.

5. 5

   Change your role. Use everything you've learned to become someone else. Make choices that will move you closer to your goal of becoming a new person.

   • Try on different qualities from people you admire. Go out to the store and be the high-energy, social butterfly that is curious about strangers and cracks jokes. Be the hero who can overcome any obstacle. Go out and train until you win a race.
   • If you're stuck in a job position that seems to go nowhere, then get a completely new position doing something you enjoy more, or use your past experience to move up to a higher level role for another company. Open your own business or take on a student role for a while so you can become a doctor, lawyer, or something else. Move to another city with more opportunities for your skill sets.
   • If you've always been the one who gets stepped on in relationships, be the one who knows what they do or don't want in the relationship first. Cultivate trust, mutual respect, and demand that you be treated as an equal. Learn to walk away from people and things that don't benefit you. Make sure you know how to protect yourself so that people don't walk all over you.

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1. 1

   Keep practicing. ^[10] Some traits, changes and approaches will take time to learn to do naturally. Remember, becoming someone else doesn't happen overnight. You will need to find out what you want, how to do it and keep at it until it works for you.

   • Focus on getting your characteristics down. You want the way you look, act, and the things you do to be second nature and part of your new identity. Practice regularly in multiple situations, roles, and relationships. Eventually, you won't have to work at it anymore because it will become a part of who you are.
   • Participate in a new activity or hobby regularly, preferably outside of your comfort zone. This will stretch your horizons and allow you to learn to adapt to new situations and experiences more quickly.
   • Know your limitations. Some things cannot be safely altered and should not be, such as body type, height, foot size, finger length, or skin color, among others. Accept what you cannot change and spend your energy working on the things you can.

2. 2

   Stop judging. ^[11] What we fear other people think about us are often the things that we dislike, criticize or judge about other people. Be less judgmental to free yourself and others from this burden. It is hard to learn from others or grow as a person if you're always feeling envious about another's successes.

   • Resist the urge to be critical of others as well as yourself and start being an objective observer. Find out how others deal with failure, challenges, and try to integrate all these good qualities into your developing personality.
   • Recognize when you do a good job, handle a social situation successfully, or influence people in positive ways. Pin down how you did it, what you did that helped, and maybe what you did that didn't help.

3. 3

   Adapt. You will likely have to tailor certain qualities, styles, and roles to suit you. Sometimes things won't work for you and that's fine. Have the strength to throw out what won't serve your transformation positively and focus on those that will.

   • If you have long black hair and want long blonde hair, know that repeated processing over time will likely damage your hair. You may need to keep it short instead of long to avoid breakage and a scraggly look. Consider using dark hair to your advantage and adding some beautiful highlights that look gorgeous against your deep hair color.
   • If you are 5' and rather stocky, maybe you shouldn't expend a lot of energy to become a supermodel or famous basketball player—though there's always a chance. Try being a face model, kickboxer, or a jockey instead. The trick is to problem-solve and adapt the quality you want to suit any limitations.

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   Have fun. Don't take things personally. Some people may not understand what you are doing or why and could make fun of you. Embrace how far you have come and who you have become. Soon, the old you will be forgotten and the person you have worked so hard to become will truly be who you are.

   • When dealing with ridicule, think about how the person you admire would react and respond. Hopefully, you will do the right thing in this situation, too.
   • It's hard to have fun if you're always worrying about how you appear to other people. Most social interaction is not defined by rigid rules, and people are not waiting to make fun of you if you do something that isn't considered normal. Just go along with the flow of the conversation and if you need to pause to think, do so.

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• Don't force qualities so much that they become undesirable, such as self-confidence that becomes arrogance or being so tough that you are seen as aggressive and overly "macho".^[12]

• It is easier to enhance your own qualities and skills than to take on someone else's. You are special and deserve to be the best "you" that you can be. Work on making yourself who you want to be first before attempting to become someone else. You never know, you could be happy living life as yourself.

• Remember that even your heroes and the people you admire are human and cannot be perfect. They all have problems, insecurities and failures just like you.

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• Being obsessed with another person is not healthy. If you find that you can't stop thinking about someone else, believe you have a special connection to someone you don't really know and desperately need to become them, you should consider seeking professional help.

• Be careful when you attempt to imitate someone else exactly. Your imitation could be offensive to that person you admire, and others may not respect you as being unique. That is best to develop your own character than to imitate others.

• Don't be devastated if someone you admire is not how you pictured them or doesn't live up to your expectations. Even being who they are can't solve all their own problems. Remember that and don't be so hard on yourself.

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Everyone wonders at times what it's like to be someone else, and with a little work, you can change your path in life for the better. Before you change yourself, try to figure out which traits you want to improve on and what your motivation is. For instance, you might want to lose weight to feel healthier and happier, or you might want to start a new career because your current job is unfulfilling. Start with the easiest changes first and slowly move on to the more difficult changes. For instance, if you want to be less shy, start by saying "Hi" to strangers, then move on to having more in-depth conversations. Changing your appearance is another good way to boost your confidence and make you feel like someone new. Try getting a new haircut, putting on a new outfit, or even changing your mannerisms. Keep in mind that it can take time to change yourself, so try to be patient with yourself and appreciate the small feats. To learn how to deal with judgmental people, read on.

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